Maybe

My life has changed. I met the man of my dreams!! He loves me big or small. :) And he loves my kids. But what's changed my life is that he's not always able to show his love. Three months into our marriage, he relapsed and I found out he's a drug addict. His problem surfaces every day, usually. I bounce back and forth between loving him and hating him... sometimes for days at a time, sometimes for minutes at a time. When he's using, it's like he's a different person... The godly, stable, caring, clean, handsome man I know can binge for days, turning into a harsh, cold, ugly, dirty replacement.

It's not easy to do this. There are times when I don't WANT to do this. Then there are days when I can't imagine ever turning my back on him. What's rational is to leave. But love doesn't always let us be rational, does it? Maybe by blogging, I'll be able to make some sense of things. Or at least write some things that make sense.

Maybe.

I have to do this anonymously, because I'm not proud of it. Plus, I will share raw details that my friends and family (and my job) don't need to ever find out about. But I want it to be relate-able to those who may be going through something similar, yet real and upfront for those who aren't, so I don't want to censor it. So anonymity it is.


-J